i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
