I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
