im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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