Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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