Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
