Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
