So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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