my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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