So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
