She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
