Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
