I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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