Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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