I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
