i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
