this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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