Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
