we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
