And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
