HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
