That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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