i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
