the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
