yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
