I'm eating all of the evidence.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
