I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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