You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
