I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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