What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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