OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
