SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The air taste purple.
Randomize
