who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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