can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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