Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
