Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
