the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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