I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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