Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
