Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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