I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
