If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
