she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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