OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
