I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
