Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
