I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
