She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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