we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
