Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
