Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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