Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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