So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
