Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
