I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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