Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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